From My Kindle #7

1+2.  Dreamfever and Shadowfever by Karen Marie Moaning finished 3/5 and 3/10–Dang I love this series!  Mac is still trying to defend Dublin and the world from the Unseelie, and is getting hints about her true identity.  The only sour notes in these books was the chapters told from Dani’s point of view–I didn’t find them necessary, and in the case of Shadowfever, just bogged down an already long book.  However, I was satisfied with the end of the series and am looking forward to Iced!  4/5 stars each

3.  Medicine Men:  Extreme Appalachian Doctoring by Carolyn Jourdan finished 3/13–a short collection of stories told to Carolyn by small town, mountain doctors, as well as anecdotes of her own growing up as the daughter of one of those doctors and as being his secretary after her mom falls ill.  A fun, fast read, and I’m interested in picking up more of her work!  4/5 stars

4.  Delerium by Lauren Oliver finished 3/ 14–Wow, this was a great book.  Treating love as a disease and curing everyone of it by essentially lobotomizing the entire population.  I did wonder what the point was, though, of telling the story from the point of view of someone who actually *wants* The Procedure instead of someone like Hana.  It all worked out in the end, and I’m seriously looking forward to Pandemonium!  4/5 stars

5.  Beautiful Darkness by Kami Garcia finished 3/17–the second book in the Beautiful Creatures series.  While I didn’t enjoy it as much as the original, I still devoured it whole.  I love that they didn’t stay in Gatlin for the entirety of this book, but branched out and visited other areas.  It was neat how the tunnels could compress and lengthen time, making their journey to Savannah take a lot less time than it should have.  4/5 stars

6.  The Boyfriend List by e. lockhart finished 3/22–I think I enjoyed Frankie quite a bit more, but Ruby was still quite a trip.  I loved her lists of boys, including the one who doesn’t actually exist, and how she debated adding her teacher onto the list or not, because…well, is it creepy or just being a typical teen?  Great book, looking forward to reading more about Ruby!  4/5 stars

7.  The Red Gorilla of Oz by Richard Capwell finished 3/24–this showed up as a freebie one day, so I took a chance and downloaded it.  I loved the original Oz books by Frank L Baum (I don’t think I’ve manage to read all 14, but I know I’ve read at least 10 of them), so I figured why not, right?  It was okay–there were things that could have been better, but I think it stayed pretty true to Baum’s original series.  Oh, and…um Glinda is not the Good Witch of the North?  Erm…3/5 stars

8.  The Grimm Diaries Prequels 1-6 by Jace Cameron–an interesting take on fairy tales, with a really dark twist.  I enjoyed most of the 6 books, but I highly recommend skipping Mary Mary Quite Contrairy…that one was just…really really bad.  It was told from the point of view of a very, um, teenage modern Devil, and just…didn’t work.  At all.  3/5 stars

I’m still working on Wilfair by Alysia Grey Painter –I’m waffling back and forth about DNF’ing this book, as it was way too smart and quirky for its own good.  The characters are funny, the story interesting, it’s just…a really smug book, if books could have feelings.  We’ll see.  It’s been, honestly, 2 weeks since I even opened it, so I may have already decided to DNF it, I just haven’t made it official yet.


Top Ten Tuesday: Crush

Top Ten TuesdayHello Tuesday!  I haven’t been writing much, but I think once I get into the swing of the new job (and stop being so darn tired, omg!) and get rid of this pesky cold that’s still hanging around, I’ll be back in the saddle again.  Top Ten Tuesday, as always, is brought to you by the wonderful Broke and the Bookish!

This week we’re talking FICTIONAL CRUSHES!  This might be hard for me, while I do have a couple of “go to” guys, I don’t really crush that much on fictional characters, to be honest.  Sure, I like them in the context of the books, but…well, they’re fictional and generally already paired up with some awesome female character…or if they aren’t, they will be eventually.  So we’ll see how this goes…

Top Ten Characters I Would Crush On If I Were Also A Fictional Character

1.  James Alexander Malcolm Mackenzie Frasier from the Outlander series by Diana Gabaldon–*swoon*.  Redheaded Highlander that fights like a badass and loves like a badass and is just generally the most awesome male character ever written.  Probably the main reason I don’t really have a huge list piled up already…because he just ruins you for anyone else.

2.  Joe Morelli/Ranger from the By the Numbers series by Janet Evanovitch–in a pinch, I’d totally pick Ranger.  His most used description uses the words Cuban Batman.  Um, yeah.  Batman.  Please and thank you!  Morelli’s more marriage material, though, so he does deserve a spot on the list, too.

3.  Jericho Barrons from the Fever series by Karen Marie Moaning–he’s tall, dark, and mysterious.  He also appears to be immortal and from the descriptions from Dreamfever, also perhaps the world’s best lover.  He might be an asshole to Mac most of the time, but he sure does know how to treat a lady when he wants.

4.  Buddy Threadgoode from Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistlestop Cafe by Fannie Flagg–okay, so this started out as a movie crush, but I think I liked him more after reading the book.  A fantastic older brother that died young tragically.  Okay, so maybe not the best choice for a book crush, but you had to love how he treated Idgie and that’s enough in my book.

5.  Rourke from the In Death series by JD Robb–the richest man in the universe, and he is fiercely devoted to a NYC lieutenant…to find someone with that amount of devotion AND he has the resources to fulfil your every wish?  Oh yeah…he’s right up there with Jamie Frasier up there.

6.  Jinx from The Hallows series by Kim Harrison–okay, so he’s a pixie, but he has a wicked sense of humor and a huge sense of loyalty.  I almost died the book where he turned into a human male.  SO.  AWESOME.

7.  Rhett Butler from Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell–another great literary character, I always loved how dashing Rhett was, especially the scene where he comes in and buys a dance from Scarlett even though she’s still supposed to be in mourning for Charlie.

8.  Falcor from The Neverending Story by Micheal Ende–okay he’s a great big white dragon…but this is a holdover from when I was younger.  I didn’t so much have a “romantic” crush on him, but I still loved him dearly.

9.  Perrin from The Wheel of Time series by Robert Jordan–I just love Perrin and Faile’s story, about how Faile decided that Perrin was the one for her, it just took her telling him that for him to realize it.  Plus, he’s a blacksmith, and he does have arrrrrmmmmmmmssss (I used to have an arm fetish), and Rand is too crazy and Mat too unpredictable for me.  Give me the stable blacksmith anytime.

10.  Jack Reacher from the Jack Reacher novels by Lee Child–He’s big (I love big guys), he’s quiet, and he has no need for material possessions.  I’ll admit, it mostly because he’s a big guy than anything else. I don’t think in reality I could handle a guy like Reacher, but in theory…he’d be fun for a week!

Top Ten Tuesday: Recommendations

Top Ten TuesdayOooh, it’s TUESDAY!  I’m off from work (yay!  I’m off *every* Tuesday!), and that means I get to sleep in and hang out with a bunch of top ten lists all day if I want!  Top Ten Tuesday is brought to us by the wonderful people over at The Broke and the Bookish!
This week we’re talking about recommendations, books we recommend the most.  This will be FUN!  I’m looking forward to others’ recommendations, as well!

Top Ten  Books I Recommend The Most

1.  The By the Numbers series by Janet Evanovitch–I LOVE these books, and while the last few have been kind of…meh, the first dozen or so are a HOOT, and a fun read.  I recommend these books to people who are looking for fast, fun reads.  I think my friend Susan put it best when she said “they won’t contaminate you”.

2.  Anna Dressed in Blood by Kendare Blake–I just…fell in love with this book from the first chapter.  Cas, as a character, was likeable and relatable, and the fact that he went around killing dangerous ghosts?  AWESOME.  I think I have only not recommended this book to one person, and that was just to say “yeah, don’t read this before bed…”

3.  Soulless (The Parasol Protectorate) by Gail Carriger–this is probably the strangest book on my list.  Not because it’s steampunk, or deals with werewolves and vampires, but because I did not like the book.  I read the entire thing, and I liked the characters, I liked the storyline, I just…hated the way it was written.  I’m not a huge fan of Victorian area writing styles (the insistence on calling people by their last names and the overwrought descriptions) just drive me bonkers.  However, I know that there are people out there who like all of that stuff, and for them, Soulless and the entire series would be GREAT books for them, just…not for me, unfortunately.

4.  The Many Lives of Lilith Lane by EV Whitney–one of my favorite reads from last year, Lilith was originally an Amazon serial, but is now available in both ebook and hard copy forms.  I picked up the free first issue, and loved it so much I went out an immediately bought the serial.  I loved each installment, and I recommend it to people who are looking for something new/a new author to read.

5.  unEnchanted by Chanda Hahn–I got this for free of off the Kindle store, and it’s the story of a girl who happens to be descended from the original Grimm brothers–but they brought a curse down on the family, and each descendant is destined to relive each fairy tale until one of them completes every single one.  Mina’s father was the last Grimm to succumb to the curse, and now it’s Mina’s turn.  A great book for people like me who love fairytale retellings.

6.  The Outlander series by Diana Gabaldon–one of my favorite series, EVER.  I love the characters, the settings, the storylines…everything about this series I love…well, except for The Firey Cross, but that’s what happens when you send a barely edited book to press…or at least that’s what I’ve heard.  The series starts out in post WWII Scotland, and covers the Jacobite rising, the 60s, and is now working on the American revolution.  LOVE seeing the world through Claire and Jamie’s eyes!

7.  Summer Sisters by Judy Blume–probably my all time favorite Judy Blume book, I read the covers off my copy practically.  It got lost in a move, unfortunately, but I remember several times reading it, then as soon as I finished the last page flipping back to the front and starting all over again.  It’s a great summer read, or for when you need a good tear jerker.

8.  The Anna Pigeon novels by Nevada Barr–set in the National Park system from Michigan to California to the very southern tip of Florida, you get to see the parks through Anna’s eyes.  These are great novels for anyone who loves the NPS, the outdoors, or mystery novels.

9.  The Thorn Birds by Colleen McCullough–one of my all time favorites, I’ve owned several different copies over the years as I leant it out and ended up rebuying it when I didn’t get my copy back.  My current copy is a coverless hardbound one that I “borrowed” from my last job and “forgot” to take back when I finished reading it (it was a decorative book on a shelf, no one even missed it).

10.  The Cabinet of Curiosities by Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child–the first Aloysius Pendergast novel I read, I was fascinated by the story and the characters.  Now I devour just about anything these authors write, but I probably recommend this book more than any of the others because it was the one that made me fall in love with the series.

Interlude: Draw Something

So, I’ve been playing a lot of Draw Something lately.  As most of my friends have abandoned the game, I have to rely on the “random opponent” button to find people to play with.  As with most random stuff that involves real people, it’s a crapshoot.  I’ve got a couple of people that we’ve been playing back and forth for over a month straight, and while we can’t *always* guess everything the other person draws, we do pretty well and have a good time.  Of course, you do get the people who draw one or two things then disappear, and the people who think that the game is called “Write Something”.  Um, the game is DRAW something, stop writing out the words (don’t get me wrong, I know sometimes the word choices are just…bad, and it’s easier to just write out the word.  I don’t mind that, I just mind when the person writes out every single word they get, and I’ll just end the game).  And then I’ve had the people who spell HEART HART or HERT and then give up, and the guy who said “I have no EDEA how to draw this”.  Edea?  Um…

My favorite, though, is this girl (I’m assuming girl by the username she selected).  For the most part, her drawings aren’t the greatest, but you can figure out what she’s trying to draw, and she’s *okay* at guessing what I draw.  But yesterday I got a drawing that looked like this:


Any guesses as to what she was trying to draw?  It’s a 6 letter word, and I don’t remember the exact letter combination that Draw Something gave me.  I tried rouge, but I think I was missing the e, and it didn’t have enough letters, there was no CH for cheek, not enough letters for blush.  I was stumped.  I also didn’t want to waste a bomb on a drawing like this, so I just gave up.
Have you given up?  The word I was trying to guess was TONGUE.  Yup.  That red blob underneath the eye is *obviously* the tongue!
So, I may have said something along the lines of “um, if you’d actually drawn a mouth with a tongue in it instead of some random squiggles on the cheek, I could have guessed that.”  Usually, I don’t complain about other people’s drawings–I’m a terrible drawer myself–but this was just…ugh.  My dog could have drawn better than that.
Apparently she didn’t like my critique of her work (heh), so she replied with “I was in a hurry and I can draw whatever I want.”  Which is true, you *can* draw whatever you want, but people aren’t going to play with you if they can’t guess what you’re trying to draw.  I ended a game a couple of weeks ago with a guy because he would draw a yellow blob for just about every word he got.  That’s just not my idea of fun.
Well, I figured if she can dial it in, so can I, so I drew this for my next word:


It’s another 6 letter word, any guesses?  Well, here’s a hint:  those are some medium sized rodents hanging out in orange shag carpeting.  😀  Still no clue?  Okay, they’re…rugrats.  Badum ching!
I figure I’ll keep picking the hardest word and drawing goofy thing and see how long she puts up with it.  I haven’t seen a game from her yet, so we’ll see.  Perhaps she’ll just ignore me from now on, who knows.  I hope she doesn’t, though, because this could be fuuuuuuuuun!

So if you’re a Draw Something addict like me, and want to laugh at my hilariously bad drawings and try to guess what I’m trying to draw, you can always start a game with me!  My user name is Marzipan9, or you can leave your username in the comments and I’ll start a game with you!  The above rugrats are a pretty good indicator of how I draw, though not all of them are visual puns like that.  🙂

Published in: on March 25, 2013 at 10:30 am  Comments (2)  

Top Ten Tuesday: Gotta Have it

Top Ten TuesdayYup, it’s that wonderful day of the week again, Tuesday!  Brought to us by the girls over at The Broke and the Bookish (clicking on the above graphic will take you there), Top Ten Tuesday lets us bare our bookish souls.
This week is a topic I’m sure people think about every time they walk past their bookshelf–books that were MUST HAVE NOWs that are still…unread.  Their spines uncreased, their pages untouched.  But had to have it right then omg!

Top Ten Books I HAD To Buy…But Are Still Sitting On My Shelf Unread

1.  The Night Circus by Erin Morganstern–I’ve wanted to read this pretty much since it came out, and when I ordered my husband’s birthday present from Amazon in late September, I also ordered myself a copy of this.  And it’s still sitting on my shelf unread, and has even been on TWO TBR lists (both fall and spring) because I just haven’t gotten to it yet.

2.  The Plains of Passage by Jean M Auel–probably my longest “must have but is still unread”.  I think I may have actually started it a time or two, but something always stops me from reading past the first chapter.  I think, at the moment, what’s keeping me from reading it is the sheer size–I have soo many books to read that I could read 4 in the time it would take me to read this one!

3. The Hobbit by JRR Tolkien–okay, while I technically did not buy this (friends gave me a really nice leather-bound edition along with a really nice leather-bound edition of the trilogy as a bridesmaid’s gift for their wedding), I still haven’t read it, and like The Night Circus, it has also made it onto 2 TBR lists.

4.  Impact by Douglas Preston–I, as a habit, will generally pick up anything written by Preston&Child, whether it be their collaborations or their stand alones.  I picked up Impact over a year ago after a book club meeting because it was on the clearance shelf at Barnes and Noble.

5.  Rhett Butler’s People by Donald McCaig–picked this up at an estate sale over the summer, and paid way too much for it (I still keep thinking that they should have garage sale prices…and when I say I paid too much, I paid $2 for it).  I didn’t realize that Margaret Mitchell’s estate had authorized *another* Gone with the Wind related novel…you’d think they’d have learned their lesson with Scarlett!

6.  several of the Hallows series by Kim Harrison–a friend sent me an arc of A Perfect Blood, which was cool, but I was also 2-3 books behind at that point (I had already picked up Pale Demon, though), which meant…yup, had to go out and get the ones I was missing so I could read the arc.  As with The Night Circus and the Hobbit, this set of books has also been on 2 TBR lists…

7.  My Very Dearest Anna by Kara Martinelli–another book I technically didn’t buy, my husband did.  This was also compiled by a friend of ours, and she’s read *my* book, and I just haven’t gotten to hers yet…oops!

8.  Envy by Anna Godberson–it was the LAST copy on BAM’s teen clearance section, so I just haaaaaaaad to get it so I didn’t miss out on it!  Of course, the next time I went in to BAM, there were three copies on the shelf…heh!  But still, LOVE the Luxe series, and I don’t know why I haven’t read this one yet!

9.  A Lion Among Men by Gregory Macguire–another book snatched from a clearance shelf, it even made it onto one of my “shelf of 10” shelves…and I *still* didn’t read it!  I think some of that had to do with the fact it was actually book 11 of 10 (heh), and by that point I was just tired of reading a set amount of books.

10.  The Secret Country by Pamela Dean–I didn’t buy this, I picked it up at last year’s Reading Festival, but I also remember telling someone that I’d read it then pass it on to her.  It’s been over a year since that Festival…

No post? What?

Sorry for the lack of post today–there should have been a Writing Prompts post.  I picked up a nasty cough/cold last week, and it’s been wiping me out.  I ended up having to skip last night’s writing meeting, as well as the fact that I started a new job today.  I got about…3 hours of sleep last night (combination of the cold and being keyed up about training today), so I think instead of doing some other writing prompts, I’m going to go take a nap.

See you tomorrow for Top Ten Tuesday!

Published in: on March 18, 2013 at 4:19 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Top Ten Tuesday: Spring TBR

Top Ten TuesdayTop Ten Tuesday is brought to us by the lovely girls over at The Broke and the Bookish, and as always, click on the picture to be transported to their blog.  Oh boy oh boy oh boy this is gonna be a HARD one!  I have sooo many books I need to read, and that I wish I was reading right now, and that I wish I’d remember to finish so I can start a new book (I’m looking at you, Secret Life of Bees).  My TBR list on Goodreads has over 250 books on it currently, and honestly, I think this will have to be split up into two different lists, as well, as I keep my hard copy and kindle reads separate (meaning I read them concurrently, not switch between the two mediums).  Also, you can check out my Fall TBR list, of which I’ve managed to read 6 of the 10 books I listed.  Not too shabby, really.

Kindle Spring TBR

1.  Delirium/Requiem by Lauren Oliver–I keep hearing AWESOME things about these books, AND it’s going to be a TV show, so it’s become a top MUST READ so that I can compare the two.
2.  A friend’s manuscript–I’m not going to share any details, but I promised my friend I would read and critique, and while I have for some of it, I haven’t done it for all of it, and I’d like to start back at the beginning, and I feel like a really bad friend because I’ve had this forever…
3.  The Grimm Diaries prequel novels 1-6 by Cameron Jace–this is on the list because it was my Amazon Prime “free” book for the month, and it has to be read and returned by April so I can rent another book…but they sound pretty darn awesome and involve fairy tale retellings, and I’m sure I’ll enjoy them.
4.  Ready Player One by Ernest Cline–I don’t know much about this book (though it was featured in Entertainment Weekly), but I just LOVE the title.  Awesome reason to read a book, right?
5.  Life of Pi by Yann Martel–I really want to see the movie, but since I made a resolution to read the book BEFORE seeing the movie…I have to read this!
6.  The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chobsky–see above
7.  Iced by Karen Marie Moaning–I just finished the last of the Fever series today (though this is listed as Fever #6/Dani O’Malley #1), which I LOVED, but I’m really hoping that this book isn’t written like the useless “Dani” chapters in the last two books of that series…they were annoying at best.
8.  Deep Fried and Pickled by Paisley Ray–this was a Kindle freebie (surprised, right?), but the description sounded neat and the title is just…awesomely funny.  Plus, the main character is from my home state!
9.  Insurgent by Veronica Roth–I read Divergent several months ago, and I can’t believe that I haven’t read Insurgent yet!
10.  Redwoodian by Alysia Gray Painter–I’m currently reading the first book (Mayfair), which I got for free from Forever Young Adult, and as I got it free, I feel I should read and review it.  I just hope that Redwoodian isn’t as smart and cutesy as Mayfair, because that book is dangerously close to going to my DNF list…

Hardcopy Spring TBR

1.  The Hobbit by JRR Tolkien–this was on my fall list, one of the four I didn’t get around to reading.  The movie is probably close to coming out on DVD, so I’d really like to get it read so I can actually, you know, WATCH the movie.  I want to see what extra stuff they had to add!
2.  The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern–I got this from Amazon like…eight months ago, and it’s still unread.  BAD ME.
3.  The Book Thief by Marcus Zusak–I picked this up at the Reading Festival in February, and I’m really excited to read it.  Plus, I think I’m supposed to pass it on once I finish it, which makes it a priority.
4.  Black Magic Sanctum/Pale Demon/A Perfect Blood by Kim Harrison–this was also on my fall TBR list, and I actually started Sanctum, but I think I just wasn’t in the mood for paranormal at the time and put it down in favor of something else.
5.  The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet’s Nest by Steig Larsson–I read the first book over Christmas, and it was fantastic, though overly long in the way I’ve noticed that only Swedish authors can be (Looking at you, John Ajvide Lindqvist).  Plus, my Amazon Prime has all three of the Swedish version movies available, and I’d like to be able to watch them back to back.
6.  Leviathan by Scott Westerfield–I’ve been dabbling in steampunk (thanks to friends of mine that are way into it), and I’m finding I really like it for the most part.  Must read more!!
7.  Peggy Sue got Murdered by Tess Gerritsen–by the author of the Rissoli and Isles books, which I’ve loved since my mom introduced me to them.  This isn’t part of that series, and might be one of her earlier books (it was published in 1994).
8.  The Poison Eaters and other stories by Holly Black–a collection of short stories that my husband got me for Christmas, and I think it was the only one he got me that was not in the middle of a series…
9.  Envy by Anna Godberson–WHY HAVE I NOT READ THIS BOOK YET?  Oh, because I’ve been reading too much on my Kindle…oops.
10.  A Wanted Man by Lee Child–though I bought this for my husband for Christmas, if I wait for him to read it, I may be waiting a year for that to happen…

In Between Monday

I felt like writing today, but not on anything that takes some brainpower…and by brainpower I mean remembering what I’ve written before to make sure I don’t have huge loopholes, plot holes, or continuity issues.  So I took to the Internet, and I said “Internet, find me something to write!”  Of course, the Internet did not reply, and I had to resort to using Google instead.  Google is a bit more responsive, especially when you type something into the search box.  I found some neat sites and bookmarked them, and I also found a tumblr called Writing Prompts that Don’t Suck that has over 500 prompts already listed, so I might spend the next few weeks (or months, there are over 500 of them) making my way through them and writing the ones that speak to me.

Writing Prompt #1:  Person, Place and Thing

Write a story using these three things:  a paper clip, a hospital, and an exotic dancer

The scene opens in the busy waiting room of a local emergency room.  In the room are five people–a mother and daughter, a man in his 40s, an elderly couple, and an exotically dressed young woman.  The daughter coughs constantly, the man in his 40s holds a blood soaked cloth around his left hand, the elderly couple seem to be waiting on someone who is already back in the depths of the emergency room, and the young woman stands impatiently at the check in desk, arguing with the triage nurse.

 Nurse Janet (calmly, in a tone that suggests that she’s already said this particular sentence a million times that day):  I’m sorry miss, you’ll still have to keep waiting.  We take patients in order of seriousness.  If you could have a seat, the doctor will call you when he’s ready for you.  (Nurse Janet stands up and looks around the exotically dressed woman)  Paul?  Paul Stansford?  The doctor will see you now.

(The man with the bloody cloth stands up and walks out of the room, passing a doctor in green scrubs.  The doctor walks over to the elderly couple and sits down next to them, talking quietly)

Candi (talking loudly):  Hey!  I got here before that guy!  That’s not fair!

Nurse Janet (slightly exasperated):  Miss, if you could take your seat…

Candi:  Fine! (she flounces off and sits down too closely to the elderly couple and the doctor talking to them.  She looks around at the room, rolling her eyes and grunting)

(a few moments pass, and a nurse in white scrubs pokes her head out of a door next to the check in desk and looks down at a clipboard, then back out at the room)

Nurse Samantha:  Candi?  Candi Strype?  The doctor will see you now, if you’ll follow me, please.

(Candi grunts and flings herself out of her chair and follows the nurse.  The scene switches to a curtained off room.  Candi has changed out of her clothing and is lounging somewhat seductively on the room’s bed in a standard issue hospital cot.  The doctor enters the room, peering at the same clipboard that Nurse Samantha used.  He looks up and takes a seat next to Candi’s bedside)

Doctor Tangler:  Ms…Strype?  I have a few questions for you before we start on the examination.  First of all, are you on any medications?

Candi:  As I told the woman at the desk, and the nurse who came in with me, no I’m not on any medications.

(Dr Tangler makes a note on the chart)

Dr Tangler:  Okay, how many caffeinated beverages do you consume per day on average?

Candi (rolling her eyes):  two cups of coffee in the morning, and either iced tea or a soda with meals, so, I guess…like I told the others…four.  (Candi pauses and twirls a lock of her long hair around her finger)  Tell me, doctor, what does any of this have to do with the fact that I came in here for a paperclip up my vagina?

 Writing Prompt #2:  Do What I Say!

Write about a door-to-door salesman who sells souls to demons in Hell

It’d been a rough day for Sam.  He trudged to his car after a long day knocking on doors and heaved his case into the trunk.  The car bounced slightly under the weight, and he slumped around to the driver’s side.  He groaned–he’d parked too close to the lava flow again, and his door was melded shut again, scorch marks marring the paint.  He kicked a tire and went to the passenger side, where he climbed over a week’s worth of lunchtime fast food wrappers, slid over the center console, then slumped behind the wheel.  His shoulders sagged, and he listlessly tried to put the key into the ignition, failing several times before jamming the key home.

It sounded like a great opportunity, lots of money, good hours.  The pros seemed to way outweigh the cons.  The inventory was provided, commission was 75% of the sale, and the clientele…captive.  Sure, he had to drive the Highway to Hell a few days a week, and park next to a river of molten lava, then deal with Chiron to cross said river, but in his first week alone he made almost $6,000 in commissions.  Demons in Hell had paid well for fresh souls then.  Within months, student loans were paid off, he and his wife both drove fancy new cars, and they bought an apartment in one of the most stylish neighborhoods in New York City.  No more commuting in from New Jersey for Sam, he was a big shot now!

Business continued to boom for a while, and Sam and his family enjoyed the money he brought in.  Sure, it did bother him a little that he was selling souls to demons, but being able to put away money for the kids’ college and retirement made it easy to stomach that.  Soon, he was the longest tenured soul-seller in Hell.  His co-workers didn’t last more than a few years, treating the job as a stepping stone to bigger and better (and less evil) jobs, but Sam enjoyed only working three days a week, four if it was the busy season between January and March.

Last year, though, Sam noticed that they were hiring fewer and fewer salesmen, but his workload didn’t increase any, instead, it seemed to taper off.  He was still working three days a week, but instead of putting in the full eight hours, he was working half days instead.  His case overflowed with souls, because new ones would come in, but there just seemed to be less and less demand for them.  Nine out of ten doors he knocked on in Hell’s central office building turned him away, and the tenth wanted a discount.  First, they had to turn in the cars and get more economical sedans with good gas mileage.  Then they sold the fancy apartment and rented out a smaller place, forcing the two girls to share a room, something they protested about.  His wife went to work, wiping snotty noses and changing dirty diapers at a tiny, dilapidated daycare on the ground floor of their new apartment building.

Today was the last day of his work week, and the first day in the history of his job that he’d failed to sell a single soul.  He didn’t know how they were going to buy groceries this week and pay all of their bills.  While they hadn’t spent the money as fast as Sam had made it, they also hadn’t saved much, and there was little left in their emergency savings account.  He couldn’t put it off any longer–it was time to leave the soul business and find something new.  A soul in his case wailed, as if in agreement, and Sam started the car.  He was a good salesman, perhaps he could find something a little less…soul sucking in the telemarketing field.

Writing Prompt #4 Beginnings and Endings

Start with every morning she wrote down another reason not to nuke the planet, and end with she found that the green glass complimented her décor quite nicely.

Every morning, she wrote down another reason not to nuke the planet.  This morning’s reason, #547, was “the soft feel of sleeping puppy fur”.  She’d gotten a new puppy yesterday, and he was asleep on her lap as she wrote in her diary.  Mostly, it consisted of reasons that she shouldn’t go out into her father’s shed and fire up the machine he’d spent his entire life working on, but died before he could use it.  If used properly (and if it worked), it would exterminate everything with a certain genetic code, and her father had spent the last five years of his life sequencing and imputing DNA into his invention.

The next morning, reason #548 read “the way sunshine looks as it filters down through spring leaves on an oak tree”.  She packed a picnic and took Tad, the puppy, with her and ate underneath the oak tree, which was located next to the shed her father’s invention rested in.  She could almost feel it calling to her, and part of her longed to set the code to “human” and solve all of the world’s problems with the push of a button.  In the news the night before, there had been news of a mass rape in India, the emergence of a new serial killer that targeted children in New York City, and a hostage situation that ended up with six dead, including the newborn daughter of the hostage taker.

Reason #549 involved a gift from her sister.  The sister stopped by and dropped of a gorgeous piece of Depression glass she’d found at a local flea market.  Pleased with the gift, she’d hugged her sister and placed the piece of glass on a shelf next to her TV.  She found that the green glass complimented her décor quite nicely.

Top Ten Tuesday: New Series

Top Ten TuesdayIt’s that wonderful day of the week again–TUESDAY!  I’ve been having a horrible computer month, though, so I’m thankful that I’m still able to type this on my computer and not say…my phone or my Kindle.  Typing on the Kindle is hoorrrible!  The poor thing, I’ve dropped it one too many times and it has this bad habit of shutting down completely if I move it wrong (probably from a loose wire from being dropped) which is NOT good for a computer, and then on Sunday my power cord broke completely–the “head” that attaches to the computer twists somewhat freely, which means that the wires are snapped in there.  I’m currently using the power cord from my *last* laptop, but it’s less wattage (65W vs 80W).

Anyway, enough about my computer woes, onto the list!  This week we’re delving into series that we would LIKE to start reading.  I think this might be hard for me, but I’ll muddle through.  I hate not listing 10 (because it is, after all, a top ten list), but this one…I may not hit 10.

Top Ten Series I’d Like To Start But Haven’t Yet

1.  Delirium by Lauren Oliver–does this series have a name?  I can’t find it if it does.  I’ve heard so many good things about this series, and about Lauren Oliver’s books in general.  Plus, it’s being made into a TV series, so I need to start this soon so I can read it BEFORE the TV series comes out.

2.  The Seven Realms series by Cinda Williams Chyma–I’m still kicking myself for not making sure I met her at the Buckeye Book Fair a couple of years ago (she was at lunch while we were there), and then missing her again a few months ago when she came to a local library.  She’s a local author in the sense that she’s from my state, and I LOVE reading authors from my state, like Casey Daniels (the Pepper Martin Mysteries series) and Jennifer Crusie.  She’s also put out quite a few books, so she’ll have me reading for quite a while!

3.  Uglies by Scott Westerfield–I picked up book 2 at a library sale last year, and finally managed to find a copy of Uglies, as well.  I also have a copy of Leviathan that I need to read, as well.

4.  The Grimm Diaries prequels by Cameron Jace–this keeps popping up as my #1 recommended book when I log into the store on my Kindle.  It’s also available for Amazon Prime users for free, and I haven’t picked out my March book yet…so this may be it.  Plus, it’s my newest favorite “genre” of fairytale retellings!

5.  1-800-WHERE-R-YOU by Meg Cabot–I love pretty much anything Meg Cabot does.  Her books are such fast, fun reads that it’s really hard to put one of her books down without actually finishing it first!

6.  The Ruby Oliver novels by e.lockhart–I read The Disreputable History of Frankie Landau-Banks in January and *loved* it, and I’m really looking forward to meeting Ruby Oliver!

7.  The Iron Butterfly series by Chanda Hahn–I’ve read a couple of Chanda Hahn’s books, and they were pretty good, so I’m looking forward to reading this series, as well!  Chanda is an author I discovered by downloading too many books off the Kindle Top 100 list.  Sometimes I do find some gems in there!

8.  Bloodsucking Fiends by Christopher Moore–my husband got me book #3 in this series for Christmas, so now I have to locate copies of books #1 and 2.  Actually, I think I’d like to read *anything* by Christopher Moore.  His book covers are sooo freaking cool looking, and he comes highly recommended by several friends.

9.  Tales of the 500 Kingdoms by Mercedes Lackey–this is one of the few of her series that I haven’t read, and I’d really like to.  I haven’t picked up the latest Heralds of Valdemar books, either, but I’ve not heard very good things about them, so I’m not going to go out of my way to get them.

10.  Madison Avery series by Kim Harrison–Kim Harrison’s YA series of books.  I LOVE LOVE LOVE the Hallows series, and when I found out she was doing YA books as well, I was ecstatic.  Now, to find the time to actually *read* the books…

I did it!  I made it to 10!  Yay!  What series are you looking forward to starting?

Writing Prompts #16–More Deadly Sins

So we continued on with our Seven Deadly Sins theme tonight–two weeks ago we touched on Lust, this week we branched out a bit and did Gluttony, Anger, Envy, and a bit more Lust (everyone’s favorite deadly sin apparently.  Our moderator picked up a book from the library called Seven Deadly Sins by Dan Boone (heh Daniel Boone), which touched on a lot of the religious aspects of the sins, though his comments on some of the sins appeared to cross over to other sins more than the one that he was focusing on.  We also returned to a favorite restaurant, which fortunately this time was *not* as busy as it was the last time.

Prompt #1–Gluttony
How would Ronald MacDonald use gluttony to take over the world?

High on a hill, hidden in the HOLLYWOOD sign, Ronald MacDonald sat behind a giant computer screen, fingers steepled and red, fuzzy eyebrows furled.  His red curls stood out around his head in their normal halo, backlit by the machines that lined the wall behind his chair.
Next to him sat a purple mountain, with tiny arms and a jolly smile.  Looking in Grimace’s eyes, though, you could see an evil gleam that belied the innocence of his smile.
“I think if we up the animal fat content of our “peanut oil” and tell our fryers to add just a smidge more of our special “iodized” salt, we’ll be back on track,” Ronald said, reaching out a gloved hand to turn a dial then push a glowing purple button.  The computer screen in front of them lit up as rows of green numbers scrolled through.  Ronald and Grimace sat silently until the computer beeped and flashed a big read date.
“Perfect,” Ronald purred.  He indicated that Grimace should leave, and just as the purple blob reached the door, he said, “and send in the Hamburgler, please.”
The door hissed open, then clicked shut with a beep as the Hamburgler slunk in, eyes glowing with fear under the brim of his black hat.  “You wanted to see me, sir?” he said, voice quivering.
“Ah, yes, ‘Burgler,” Ronald said, turning his chair around.  “I’ve heard what you’ve been doing lately.  I heard that…you have been speaking to the First Lady, #1 enemy of our Grand Design, on the sly.  I…just can’t have one of my…”trusted” employees, one of my…original gang…betraying me like that.  It sets a…bad example for the rest of us.”
Hamburgler’s knees began to tremble, and Ronald flipped open the arm of his chair, exposing a button labeled “100% animal fat fryer”.  His gloved finger slowly descended and depressed the button.  The floor beneath the Hamburgler separated, dropping the startled villan into a bubbling vat of oil.  Ronald smiled as the Hamburgler bobbed and tumbled in the hot oil.  “I think I just came up with our latest menu item,” he said, mostly to himself, “Deep fried…hamburgers.”

Prompt #2–Anger
Why would a postal worker revisit the scene of his/her firing

“They’re going to pay,” I thought angrily, mashing the sleeve of my uniform in my fists.  I had to go in today to pick up my final paycheck and retunr my hideous uniform–I had to admit, I was not going to miss wearing those polyester shorts in summer.
I sat in my car, the engine running, as I contemplated my options–go in, calmly, take my check and go was the obvious answer, but I was too angry for that.  I tossed around driving my car through those doors that never latched properly, letting the cold air in all winter long.  I thought about dousing my uniforms in gasoline and lighting them on fire on top of the dreaded customs forms, but I was worried about the polyester going up to fast and lighting me on fire.  I was angry, not suicidal.  Finally, I settled on stealing my son’s squirt gun and filling it with red food coloring and spoiled milk.  That would send a statement they wouldn’t soon forget, I figured.
I arrived at my old branch and patted my coat pocket reassuringly.  “Soon, baby,” I whispered to it and immediately felt silly.
My boss was waiting for me in the lobby, which was crowded during the lunch rush.  I pulled my squirt gun out and aimed it at her chest.  “Take THAT!” I yelled, pulling the trigger, sending out a stream of smelly liquid.
I realized, however, that bringing even a toy gun into a post office was actually a bad idea as an off duty police officer pulled out his personal weapon and placed three shots into my chest.  “Shit,” I thought as I fell,” maybe I should have just driven my car into the lobby instead…”

Prompt #3–Envy
Vilify Cinderella/vindicate the envious step sisters

Everyone thinks that since Cinderella nabbed the prince that she’s the nice one, the misunderstood and mistreated one.  Boy, are they wrong!  I know for a fact that my mother treated her just as well as my sister and me.  We had no idea that when Mother sent her on errands into the village that she was dressing in our kitchenmaid’s dirty laundry and letting everyone believe that we badly mistreated her.
If anything, Cinderella (and she came up with that name herself–it’s actually Abigail Ellen) was a BULLY!  She stole my necklaces and the trimmings off Anastasia’s dress.  Then she staged the whole trashing of the dress ging, which got Anna and I in so much trouble we almost got grounded from the ball.  Mother made ME give Cinderella MY dress and I had to go in one of mother’s old hand-me-down dresses instead.
Of course that manipulative little brat bagged the Prince–she’d had years of practice on me and Anna to mold her craft.  I just hope that the prince figures out her true personality before they wed.  Otherwise he’s going to be in for one miserable life!

Prompt #4–Lust
Give the book (Seven Deadly Sins) author a sexual experience

“We should study for the deadly sins test together, Dan,” the pretty coed said.  her sweater yams bounced enticingly as she spoke, but Dan tried to ignore them.  He wouldn’t remain a lifelong virgin if he started to objectify women.
“Okay, in the library at noon tomorrow?” Dan said, keeping his eyes towards Heaven.  The coed nodded and swayed off, cats fighting underneath her miniskirt.
Dan figured that the library was safe, and that the busiest time would mean they wouldn’t be left alone.  He arrived early and set up, spreading out books and the pages of his dissertation, Seven Deadly Sins, out around him.
Sara, the coed, bounced over, her generous cantaloupes swaying from side to side.  Dan slid a book over his lap, hiding the erection he wasn’t quick enough to suppress.  Sara smiled and sat down next to him, making Dan shift uncomfortably.  She laid a hand on his forearm and Dan cringed as he felt a warm, sticky flood fill his tighty-whities.

Published in: on March 4, 2013 at 10:30 am  Leave a Comment  
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